WELCOME and THANKS for joining us.
OPENING COMMENTS
- The theme for this week is the power of loving acceptance.
- As we go through this week, let us think about loving acceptance … receiving it as well as giving it … because it is one of the foundational components of the Christian life.
- What does loving acceptance mean to you?
OPENING PRAYER
SPEAKING OF LIFE
PROGRAM TRANSCRIPT . . .
Small Group Discussion Questions
From Speaking of Life
We can speculate that the first slave in the parable didn’t believe that the king would really forgive his large debt because it was too good to be true. Let’s rewrite the parable, this time assuming that he did believe that his debt was forgiven.
- How then do you imagine he would interact with those who owed him money?
The video suggests that one possible reason for the slave’s disbelief was his fear that the king’s forgiveness of his debt was too good to be true, and he knew he didn’t deserve it.
- Have you ever had a wonderful experience, but in the back of your mind, you felt like you didn’t deserve it?
- Why do you think we struggle to accept God’s grace?
Loving Acceptance: An Answer to Life’s Paradoxes
| Romans 14:1-12 (NRSVue) |
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Welcome those who are weak in faith[a] but not for the purpose of quarreling over opinions. 2 Some believe in eating anything, while the weak eat only vegetables. 3 Those who eat must not despise those who abstain, and those who abstain must not pass judgment on those who eat, for God has welcomed them. 4 Who are you to pass judgment on slaves of another? It is before their own lord that they stand or fall. And they will be upheld, for the Lord[b] is able to make them stand. 5 Some judge one day to be better than another, while others judge all days to be alike. Let all be fully convinced in their own minds. 6 Those who observe the day, observe it for the Lord. Also those who eat, eat for the Lord, since they give thanks to God, while those who abstain, abstain for the Lord and give thanks to God. 7 For we do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. 8 If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ died and lived again, so that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living. 10 Why do you pass judgment on your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God.[c] 11 For it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, 12 So then, each one of us will be held accountable.[e] 13 Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother or sister. |
CONTEXT
In Romans 14, Paul says we should not endeavor to change one another to suit our preferences, but instead we should change our conduct so as not to offend the weaker brother.
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- Verses 1-12 deal with our responsibility to respect the convictions of one another rather than to revise them.
- Verses 13-23 instruct us to refrain from exercising our own liberties when they will harm another Christian.
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| Romans 14:1-12 (NKJV) | Romans 14:1-12 (NLT) |
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Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things. 2 For one believes he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables. 3 Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him. 4 Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand. 5 One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; [a]and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ died [b]and rose and lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living. 10 But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of [c]Christ. 11 For it is written: “As I live, says the Lord, 12 So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. 13 Therefore let us not judge one another [d] anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way. |
Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. 2 For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. 3 Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. 4 Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval. 5 In the same way, some think one day is more holy than another day, while others think every day is alike. You should each be fully convinced that whichever day you choose is acceptable. 6 Those who worship the Lord on a special day do it to honor him. Those who eat any kind of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who refuse to eat certain foods also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God. 7 For we don’t live for ourselves or die for ourselves. 8 If we live, it’s to honor the Lord. And if we die, it’s to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. 9 Christ died and rose again for this very purpose — to be Lord both of the living and of the dead. 10 So why do you condemn another believer[a]? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. 11 For the Scriptures say, “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, 12 Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. 13 So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall. |
As a general rule, we human beings don’t like paradox. We like black and white with no shades of gray. Unfortunately, much of human life involves dealing with paradox, which two business researchers, Wendy K. Smith and Marianne W. Lewis, have written a book about, called Both/And Thinking: Embracing Creative Tensions to Solve Your Toughest Problems. In the book, Smith and Lewis define paradox as “the interdependent oppositions that lurk beneath dilemmas and persist over time.” They cite several examples of businesses that floundered or flourished based on the way paradox was handled in their organization. The insights they developed from studying businesses who succeeded and failed can also be applied to our personal lives and even our churches. Because human beings make up churches, understanding how to handle paradox can help us improve our ability to love others and God.
Our sermon text today features Paul talking about some of the quarreling that was happening at the church in Rome. Let’s read Romans 14:1-12.
| Romans 14:1-12 (NKJV) | Romans 14:1-12 (NLT) |
The Law of Liberty14 Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things. 2 For one believes he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables. 3 Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him. 4 Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand. 5 One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; [a]and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. 8 For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. 9 For to this end Christ died [b]and rose and lived again, that He might be Lord of both the dead and the living. 10 But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of [c]Christ. 11 For it is written: “As I live, says the Lord, 12 So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. |
The Danger of Criticism14 Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. 2 For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. 3 Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. 4 Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval. 5 In the same way, some think one day is more holy than another day, while others think every day is alike. You should each be fully convinced that whichever day you choose is acceptable. 6 Those who worship the Lord on a special day do it to honor him. Those who eat any kind of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who refuse to eat certain foods also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God. 7 For we don’t live for ourselves or die for ourselves. 8 If we live, it’s to honor the Lord. And if we die, it’s to honor the Lord. So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. 9 Christ died and rose again for this very purpose — to be Lord both of the living and of the dead. 10 So why do you condemn another believer[a]? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. 11 For the Scriptures say, “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, 12 Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. |
We can see that Paul was trying to help the church in Rome realize they were “sweating the small stuff,” and as a result, it generated a critical and judgmental attitude within the church. A judgmental attitude does not love others as Jesus loves us (John 13:34). Instead, the church at Rome was arguing about what was being eaten and what days were being observed (Romans 14:1-6), and Paul was inviting them to look past their divisive, either/or thinking to the larger picture of being true to our individual consciences as led by the Holy Spirit. By understanding how to handle paradox and our tendency toward “either/or thinking” when it comes to problem-solving, we can improve our relationships with one another and create a loving environment in our church home.
First, let’s understand why “either/or thinking” doesn’t work.
- “Either/or thinking” doesn’t help us solve problems. In fact, it can create downward spirals of intensification and polarization.
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- Intensification, as defined by Smith and Lewis, means focusing solely on one side of an issue, to the point that we get “stuck,” unable to change and unwilling to hear another point of view. Hearing does not imply agreeing, it shows honor and respect for another that you are interested in them as a person, and you are desiring to hear a different point of view.
- Polarization happens when groups pick sides, ultimately dehumanizing the other side.
- Intensification and polarization keep us from reaching out to understand those who think differently than we do.
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Some in the church in Rome were committed vegetarians, and others were despising them for their personal conviction (Romans 14:1-4). We need to consider how we may have fostered judgmental attitudes within our churches over issues that involve personal conviction and personal liberty.
We also should think about how we have engaged in “either/or thinking” when it comes to other denominations or religions. Author Brian McClaren makes an important point in his book Faith After Doubt:
Jesus never said, when asked what is the greatest commandment: ‘You shall hold correct beliefs about the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall convert your neighbors who do not hold correct beliefs, and if they will not convert, you shall defeat them in a culture war.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Instead, he said something truly revolutionary: first, he said to love God with our whole being. Second, and equally important (which is the meaning of ‘the second is like it’), he said to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:36–40). (124).
Rather than persuading others to our own point of view, we’re encouraged to think how we can respond in the most loving way toward those who differ from us.
Part of this loving response requires us to approach differences inside and outside the church by embracing paradoxical differences that are part of our human existence. But how?
- We need to learn how to ask better questions. Often when we’re faced with a problem or disagreement, we frame the question in an either/or fashion. In Smith and Lewis’s research, they found that students were able to come up with more creative widgets when they were instructed to make them both “novel and useful,” rather than the student group that was told to focus only on one aspect, either novel or useful, but not both. Rather than rushing to defend or persuade, we serve others better when we embrace curiosity and assume that others have good reasons, maybe even personal convictions, regarding their choices. Saying, “Tell me more about that,” is a good start, and learning the skill of reflective listening can help us understand the real issue behind the problem.
For example, Smith and Lewis share a story about working on their book draft in a library study room. They weren’t the only ones in the study room; there was another woman there, too. She wanted the window open, but Smith and Lewis didn’t. This looked like an either/or dilemma. To solve the problem, however, Smith and Lewis asked more questions. Why did the woman want the window open? As it turned out, the woman wanted the window open for ventilation, whereas the reason Smith and Lewis didn’t want the window open was because their papers would blow around. By understanding the reasoning behind a particular stance, they were able to come up with another solution that met the needs of everyone: leaving the study room door open offered enough ventilation for the other woman, and their papers wouldn’t blow around.
Lastly, we must understand why God thinks judgmental attitudes need to be addressed rather than personal practices or choices.
- We are responsible for our own choices and the ways we express our personal convictions and worship of God.
Who are you to pass judgment on slaves of another? It is before their own lord that they stand or fall. And they will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make them stand … Let all be fully convinced in their own minds. Those who observe the day, observe it for the Lord. Also those who eat, eat for the Lord … (Romans 14:4, 6, NRSVUE).
God understands our unique wiring and looks at the heart’s intent.
- We belong to God, and our actions are held within the sacrifice of Christ.
For we do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ died and lived again, so that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living. (Romans 14:7-9, NRSVUE)
Rector and Dean of the Lutheran Theological Southern Seminary Mary Hinkle Shore writes:
Christ died and rose in order to create community across the most fundamental of differences: Jew/Greek, slave/free, dead/living! The acknowledgement that Jesus is Lord implies a critique of all other powers, even the power of our most thoughtful, considered judgment on how to honor our Lord.
Our unity within the church is not based on personal practices, but rather, on our inclusion in the Triune God relationship.
- Loving acceptance is the answer to the paradoxes we face in human life and relationships, and our response is gratitude and praise to God.
As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God. (Romans 14:11, NRSVUE)
Acknowledging the freedom in Christ we have helps us offer others the same freedom and grace to express their love for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We can trust in God’s goodness and grace, knowing that the Holy Spirit is leading each person into greater intimacy with God.
Paul demonstrates in Romans 14:1-12 that judgmental attitudes toward others’ different choices won’t promote the vision God has for humanity. Loving God and others begins when we work to build loving acceptance of people within our relationships and our church.
Call to Action: When faced with a conflict at home or work, instead of responding with a black or white answer, consider first asking God to help you see the person as he sees them – as someone created in his image. Then start by asking the question, “Tell me more,” or, “Help me to understand.” As the person explains, listen quietly, asking God for wisdom, and then practice reflective listening to see if you’ve understood them. If needed, take time to think of a loving response that can address the issue so that all involved feel heard and loved.
This is part of the new commandment, to love others as Jesus loves them.
Small Group Discussion Questions
From the sermon
- Why do you think we believe, consciously or unconsciously, that everyone should think and act like we do?
- What are the dangers of this type of thinking?
- How does staying curious, asking questions, and practicing reflective listening help us foster loving acceptance for those who differ from us?
- Have you ever employed any of these techniques in your life, and if so, what was the outcome?
Appendices
Appendix 1
Who are the “weak”? Why are they considered “weak”? Note what William Barclay, a Scottish theologian, says in his commentary on ROMANS …
Such a man is weak in the faith for two reasons.
(i) He has not yet discovered the meaning of Christian freedom; he is at heart still a legalist and sees Christianity as a thing of rules and regulations.
(ii) He has not yet liberated himself from a belief in the efficacy of works. In his heart, he believes that he can gain God’s favour by doing certain things and abstaining from others. Basically, he is still trying to earn a right relationship with God, and has not yet accepted the way of grace, still thinking more of what he can do for God than of what God has done for him.
Appendix 2
QQQ … from a sermon by Bob Deffinbaugh …
While two Christians may disagree over whether or not a Christian should drink wine or eat only vegetables, no Christian should dispute the fact that lying, stealing, and immorality* are sin. These are biblical and moral absolutes. No two Christians should differ over the virgin birth or the deity of Christ, the physical resurrection of our Lord or the substitutionary atonement. These are doctrinal certainties.
* immorality — including, but not confined to, sexual immorality –> adultery, homosexuality, LGBT-related activity, fornication, watching pornography, bestiality, etc.
Appendix 3
Paul is not condemning all judgment.
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- Rather, he is dealing with the subject of judging others on non-essential matters.
- He is arguing against judging others in areas where the Bible gives no commands.
Paul did, at times, pass judgment.
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- Romans 16:17-18 … Paul warned against those who “create dissensions and hindrances”. Verse 18 is based on a judgment.
- 1 Corinthians 5:1-6 … Paul corrected the Corinthians because they did not judge a man in the church who was sinning blatantly. Notice vv.3-4a.
- Galatians 1:6-9 … Paul was not tolerant of the damnable doctrinal error of the Judaizers.
So on moral issues where the Bible gives clear commands or on essential doctrinal truth, we would be wrong not to judge others.
That said, in areas where the Bible gives NO commands, or is not clear, we must be gracious and tolerant with those who differ with us. We are not to judge them or treat them with contempt.
- What might some of those areas be?
- What about eating pork, shrimp or crab? (see Romans 14:2)
- What about going to church services on Sunday/Saturday? (see Romans 14:5)
- What about drinking wine/beer? (see Romans 14:21)
- What about dress length?
- What about body parts exposed?
- What about voting?
- What about giving blood?
- What about taking a vaccination?
- What about smoking?
- What about buying CashPot?
- What about betting on a horse in a race?
- What about investing in the stock market?
**Editor’s note: I realize this kind of discussion may be risky … but I’m trusting that we are mature enough to understand that I’m not encouraging anyone to sin. Notice Hebrews 5:11-14.
Paul is saying, in effect, that … Since Jesus is Lord and we all will give an account to Him, we must not judge other believers in areas where the Bible gives no commands — in matters that are non-essential. Leave judgment to God, because He sees the heart (intent); we can’t.